Discourage

Discouraging, Is the devils best weapon, which is how I felt the past few days, but yet so motivated all at the same time. I can almost taste success, but just something needs to be dealt with still, Sin? Probably, I went to see my new found mentor slash therapist slash shrink, You know what he told me you are alright for someone in your position , in fact you are somewhat doing well. My understanding was that I am half the man that God wants me to be, but God says I am, what he will have me to be, so I wonder?

Where to from here,  I am going to set some goals, for this exam season coming up I really need to be in tune with what God is leading me and to trust in him for the small things that I take for granted, studying…

For the first time I lifted my hands up in church this morning and it was a liberating experience. The Lord has blessed me, still blessing me and still going to bless us.

PS- I haven't posted in a awhile I thought this would be a good place to start.

Forgiveness

I don’t think this thing called forgiveness is a religious  thing, but I believe we all owe it to ourselves to release those we hold grudges against, in particular our African people, who have not truly forgiven yet the entirety of the atrocities committed against the African man or latter.

We owe it to ourselves, for if we don’t get past this point, we can’t love freely, love entirely without holding back. By this we can also free ourselves of the burden of carrying grudges of our former generations. We need to go forth, this way, this is ideal, this is the only way we can truly free ourselves. 

Someone said “hurt people hurt others” I see my country and think, exactly! these things that happen to our women, mothers, daughters and children, in Southern Africa, these crimes are actually fuelled by a nation that is, a hurt people, a nation who hasn’t, and can’t go forward because, if does not know how to go forward, So we kill, rape, abuse substances of all matter to numb the hurt, this is the only way we know how.

When I say forgive, I’m not suggesting we become, door mats, forget or subject to your oppressor but I’m saying, liberate your enemy then, you’ll free yourself, furthermore grow your character so you, we can be beckon of hope to others.

There is way, a route not taken by many, but we can. Most of the world’s suffering can be ended by this simple thing. Nkosi Sikelela iAfrica

Don't be a pussy!

Well I've decided I “don’t want to be pussy” anymore as the Americans put it.

I say what I feel, go for what I want and live like there is no tomorrow even though my life hardly resembles this trait or way of life. I’m  a leader I know that, I’ve always known that, whether I’m leading myself or other people, but I feel like I’ve always  held back.

Today this girl made room for me on the bus today on my way to second avenue to see Chester missing¸I was so taken back by her kindness that I could not say a word at her….afraid that I might love her to bits and (she was pretty), perhaps and get rejected, I don’ t know maybe but I was silent as dove….that’s  how shocked I was at her generosity…..I’d like to think of myself as a generous person too, but its humbling being of the other side of grace.

It takes you back, I mean it was not the mere act I suppose that was shocking but maybe my stereotyping about girls at school, Pre-dominantly African especially, very un-lady like behaviour always shoving, they are very tough I suppose in a good way(Defensive mechanism) but the is no grace about it, the world around them has allowed them to be supper protective of their hearts and minds…some have come from far and introduced to this completely different world from which they are not used to…. So adapting is hard.

Adapting though is what we do as human beings and we very good at it, how can we not survive these circumstances? It’s what we do, survive, find a way.

I learnt something else today too. Race is a thing we have been lead to believe, the Stigma that come with your skin colour, yes we acknowledge the language and the culture but does it have to be attached to your skin colour? NO!

We have been taught these things and we can learn something better….we can adapt a new culture, a new world, a new standard , that judges on merit and gives merit where it due and encourage those around us to embrace the human within all of us…..You’ll be surprise how often and how much in common we have sometimes.

There is this church I go to sometimes and it happens to be a pre dominantly an affluent mega church with stacks of members, but whenever I’m there I can feel my fellow South Africans of European descent…wince  every time I walk in that building or maybe it just my lack of comfort ability around me there is due to their lack of faith in my skin colour so there that is the same reaction I give in response not knowing I really do but I know it happens it’s a science “Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence”  Or you could even try Newton second law of force That applied on object is applied back etc.

What am I saying, well I feel like I have put out and an arm and a leg for my fellow South Africans of European descent but they won’t even put out a God damned finger… and it pisses me off, I know someone can relate to this. So the ball is in your court.

I want to go back to the bus incident….I’m no pussy but I thought sometimes to be a nice person you have to be a door mat, here is what I’ve would have said If I was half the man I actually thought I was, I would look at you in the eye and say “Thank you” for the was no reason for you to make room in a four sitter back sit to scoot to make it five. “Thank you” for people like you who keep giving me hope even when all the chips are down because it is people like you in world we keep inching forward … grace givers, so you can heal us all of our cancers of hate, racism, fascism, classification, gender discrimination. You’ll probably never know what you did and I was probably never meant to say jack because talking can make things sour sometimes but I’ve learnt not saying anything can be worse, it’s a heavy burden to carry at times.

Why am I poor?

I know what you thinking…I’m still asking the wrong questions. I’ve been doing the “it’s not about me” application for some time now…and it has not left me feeling a hundred percent. Then again I’ll will fall away and this world will seize to remember that I ever existed, so this hard to comprehend and moving on with self is easy…but it’s not.

I know one thing is true though, the more we let go to the things we really want the more, they come back to us, but I can’t help seem to wonder on the goals we set, the things we desire, the things we need...

You can’t right more than two lines without referring to self, if its not about me, whose it about…?

I forget how beautiful it was

I forget how beautiful it was
when you all come together

Keep it together
my brothers
Keep them together
my good sisters

I forget how beautiful it was
when you all come together

Keep it up my brother, yes you without a father
fight harder
Keep it together my sister, hold them even closer
the good Lord will keep ye

I forget how beautiful it was
when it all came together

Keep the Faith
Keep the Hope

Keep the Love

Keep nothing else

Addicted to NO

I like No sometimes, in fact I think I can’t l live without it because it makes Yes even more desirable, I have been forever chasing Yes, but No, has always been by my side.

When I eventually catch up to Yes, I am so darn tied, and sick of chasing that I find that I don’t even know what I am going to do with Yes. Things are much easier with No, and its easy to get comfortable here but I know what to do with it, change it into a Yes, a big fat one.

Once I get my Yes, it’s then on to the next one. Sometimes you’ll need to say Yes to someone, for the rest of your life, day in day out but before you can do that, you need to practice saying Yes to yourself quite  number times, to make the process a lot easier. It’s a choice, like all joys of life. 

Sometimes when you get your Yes, then you have to move on to less greener pastures, I don‘t know about you, but sometimes it feels like, we not on this earth to party away, without getting any work done.

As the long the is NO, the will be a YES, right? 

The Money Issue

Is a tough one at this moment in my life, just thinking about it, but earlier this I decided I wanted to learn a bit more about money and see the real value in knowing how to manage it, so that it benefits you and those around, you, I have to say, I haven’t gotten anywhere much on actually building some sort of income, but I have learnt this:

• ·         It normal to be thinking about money, since it’s such a normal and play an important role in this world so we shouldn't feel bad into thinking about it and trying to make ways of a sustainable living.
• ·         Don’t worry about money but it is important to know how it works, for it affects what you do. And eventually it will come either way.
• ·         Focus on what you love, your passion and learning and making better decision about your life, and your money, because money will come and go.

Remember this: the person you are becoming is more important that the how much wealth monetarily acquire if you’re a just an empty vessel.

Yeah for some of use this may seem irrelevant but this is true for most If not all of us. Where you try and think where is the next buck going to come from, sometimes it’s a trill on the quest to figuring that out, until you have to follow through, not once, not twice but as long as it will take.

My Grand Mama says, “Work Hard”, and all will usually fall to place, unfortunately, she left out the part, of how intricate, how complicated this process is(life). I guess that’s up to you, and of course it’s unto you to teach your neighbour as much as you can about financial management, if your neighbour won’t do it, go ask someone who will.